Fast forward a few years to 2015. We have been married now for eight years. The girls are six and two years old. They are at ages where I no longer need to be with the constantly making sure they aren’t getting into something they are supposed to. With the help of my older one, they are someone independent and can play together for short periods of time which frees up some of my time.
During my “free time” I find myself trying to figure out what to do, my husband and I actually have some time to spend together but it’s just not the same. We aren’t jiving like we used to. Don’t get me wrong the years leading up to this weren’t all sunshine and roses, we did have our arguments, but somehow we got past them. At this point, those old arguments are coming up again and we aren’t getting past them like we once did. Neither one of us is who we were years ago when we first got married. Somehow along the way, I know I lost myself, and as a result, we were heading down different paths.
When conflict arises, I am great at ignoring it, as I am a person who prefers to avoid confrontations. My husband, on the other hand, is quite the opposite, he faces it head-on. This led us into many difficult, deep, and uncomfortable discussions that resulted in our decision to separate. This was not easy by any means, in fact, it caused quite a bit of anxiety for me which changed me in an entirely different way.
While we were separated, my husband and I saw a therapist a couple times, which we felt didn’t help us much. I then began seeing a therapist on my own, which was beneficial for me. Throughout our separation, we obviously had contact every day because of the children but we did find ourselves going out to dinner “as a family” and we even had a couple of dates. The separation was definitely an “A-ha” moment for me. It made my husband and I kind of start all over again and in doing so, helped me to remember why I fell in love with him all those years ago.
We were separated for two months, which doesn’t seem like a long time. That was just the beginning of our journey to finding us again. Even though we were back in the same house didn’t mean that everything was back on track. It would be a good year or two of self-discovery on my part and my husband and I working together because we both were willing to do what it took to save our marriage.